The first thing that came to Andy's mind the following morning
was not the layoffs, but the need for headache medicine. Nico
was smoking in the living room, reading the Wall Street Journal.
The television set was tuned to the business news. Records
were scattered about the living room floor. The ashtray was
full. The empty bottle of vodka stood proudly on the coffee
table, like a trophy.
"I will never drink vodka again. My head's killing me."
"Great. It means there's something in it," replied
Nico.
Andy tore a package of Alka Seltzers into a cup of water and
collapsed on the couch. He stared mindlessly at the television
set while the medicine dissolved.
"Did you also cook make some food last night? Don't tell
me I ate your French fries with mayo at three in the morning.
Oh Nico, maybe I ought to call in sick after all. I have a
bad taste in my mouth already."
Nico put down the newspaper and sang, "I've read the
news today, oh boy."
"Did they say Andy Clifford was terminated? I should
have gotten a mention in the layoff story. Damn public relations."
Andy slowly walked over to the espresso machine in the kitchen.
"What's the matter at your firm?" asked Nico. "Why
are you guys cutting jobs and losing money?"
"I wish I had the answers, Nico."
"But I have all the questions. What is your business?
You guys make cellphones that people don't buy."
"We make quality phones, Nico. Don't get me wound up
first thing in the morning."
"Quality is not a reason to buy phones, Andy."
"People can surf the mobile internet with a Telecommando
cellphone. They can write emails and do all kinds of crazy
things."
"And when was the last time that you pecked away an email
on a phone?"
"True, I don't feel like wasting my time. I use a computer
instead."
"Then see the world as it is and not the way you want
it to be. Intellectual Integrity is the answer. It's what
management gurus like Peter Drucker preach. You and I have
read his books, remember what he writes? If you keep calling
the gravedigger a mortician, the cost of your burial goes
up."
"And what else can I expect from my roommate, the DJ-turned-management
guru, on this bright Friday morning?"
Nico dug inside his pockets. "Take a look at my phone,
it's with me everywhere I go. I also carry a walkman all the
time, so why not forget about the mobile internet and make
me something useful, like a phone that plays music?"
"Nico, you a carry a turntable everywhere you go."
"It's my point! Give me what I want and I will give you
what you want. My phone needs to have a statement, a style
- it shall tell you who I am."
"Your phone has serious bling. Telecommando doesn't make
these."
"And why not?"
"Why don't I ask our CEO?" Andy drank his double
espresso on one try and waived his hands. "You're giving
me another headache."
A quick shower did little to clear his mind. Andy stumbled
to his closet and remembered that it was casual Friday.
"Hey, Renaissance Man, wasn't it the Roman Empire that
had its first and last ruler with the same name?" he
asked from the bedroom.
"Yeah, Romulus on both occasions," replied Nico.
"Good. So there is a historical precedent for going down
in style."
Andy returned to the living room sporting a handmade Italian
suit.
"Sharp, very sharp," nodded Nico. "You look
like a million dollars. A hung over million dollars."
"I wore this suit when I interviewed for the job. It
barely fits. It's what I get for being on the Telecommando
diet - no lunch breaks."
Andy grabbed his cellphone and dialed his voicemail at the
office.
"If it doesn't work it means I'm laid-off already,"
he said. "If so, I'm calling in sick."
Andy's mailbox, however, did work and there were no new messages.
Then he booted his company laptop and held his breath as he
logged on to the corporate network. He was able to connect
and there were no new emails in his Inbox.
"You see," gestured Nico, "you're not laid-off!"
"Not yet, my dear roommate."
"You know, I'm willing to bet you a case of Holland's
finest that you won't lose your job today. They can't just
get rid of you like a piece of meat."
"Layoffs or not, I'll take your bet and get drunk again."
"Listen, Andy, these job-cuts are no big deal - we'll
throw a party at the club in your honor tonight. Everything
is going to be all right."
"Thanks, Nico, thanks. Can I bum some smokes for the
road?"
"Take the whole box, I have plenty. Hey, take my walkman
- I made you a mixed tape that will ease your mind during
the commute."
"I'll take your cigarettes and the walkman, but I'm not
going anywhere without these," said Andy as he slipped
a package of pain relievers inside his suit pocket. He adjusted
his silk tie in front of the mirror and faked a smile. Then
he opened the front door of the apartment.
"Casual Friday, bring on the goddamn pink-slips."
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